Zeppix - Scene 2

[Kyon]

Scene Info
Scene two will be in 'normal time'.
So it is actually the first scene of the actual story.
In it, you will see Zeppix and his father, kind of
being depressed, because his mother/wife died.

One of them will be angry,
reason? I don't know.

When Zeppix walks outside,
he suddenly falls down... and dies...

Texts
I need texts for Zeppix' father,
and for Zeppix himself.




Please help with making this scene right, with answers,
and with texts.

[ExWhyZed]

I think that the father should be angry at Zeppix, because Zeppix has lost his job/been expelled from his school because of bad behaviour.

Scene II:
Father is standing up, evidently furious. Zeppix is sitting on a sofa, his face in his hands. He is on the verge of tears.
Father: Zeppix! Why? I always thought you were mild mannered... Now this?
Zeppix: I'm sorry! It.. it wasn't my fault...
Father gets calmer
Father: Look, Zeppix. We can't fight... Not now Laura's dead.
Both gaze, upset, at a portrait of them both younger, and a woman.
Zeppix: I wish she were still here...
Father: As do I, son. But why were you expelled/did you lose your job?
Zeppix: I was ignorant of important facts...
Father: We always expected you to do well...
Zeppix: Just.. Go away!
Father: Zeppix...
Zeppix storms out.

[Kyon]

First make the history.
How did his mother die?
We can show this later, in a flashback.

[ExWhyZed]

His mother was killed by a Daemon. She is now a daemon... called Sylnyte.

[Kyon]

No man, Sylnythe is just another daemon.
His mother died because of something, but what?

[ExWhyZed]

Maybe Vaizarr, as a human, ran her down with a car.
After Zeppix goes out:

Scene IIa
Zeppix: It wasn't my fau... What the hell?
Sword is flying through the air towards Zeppix!
Zeppix: Oh my God!
Sword hits Zeppix in chest. Zeppix looks down, and collapses: dead. Father comes running out.
Father: No! NO!
Father collapses to knees.
Father: Why, Zeppix, WHY?!

[Kyon]

Ok, what I think is happening:

Zeppix looks at a picture of the family together.
Very sad, his father, also sad, is upset about something.

Zeppix goes away because of this.
One of them says: "We've lost <need name>, we can't lose eachother!".
Zeppix walks outside, and suddenly falls down on the floor.
Then Zeppix' father comes out.

Could you try new texts?
Also, please discuss here what actually happened to his wife/mother.

[ExWhyZed]

Scene II
Zeppix is sitting on sofa. Father is standing up, angry.
Father: Why did you go and lose your job? We always had high expectations of you! Now this?
Zeppix: Father... The reason I lost my job...
Father: Yes?
Zeppix: Was because mother died.
Father: Laura? How?
Zeppix: My boss.. He was in love with her. He only employed me so he could be in touch with her.
Father turns to look at picture of the entire family.
Father: I'm.. so sorry, Zeppix.
Father turns around. The door is open, and Zeppix is gone.
Father: We lost Laura to cancer, we can't lose each other!
Father runs after Zeppix.
Father: Come back! I'm sorry!
Father gets outside. Zeppix is on the floor, dead.
Father: NO!

[Kyon]

Wait.
Look, this is what happens:

Laura/mother died like, one day ago.
They are all sad.
Father is mad about something, after that, father
realizes that it is just the sadness speaking, and apologizes.
But Zeppix feels bad, and walks outside.

At the door, when Zeppix goes outside father says:
"We already lost Laura, please Zeppix, we can't lose each other!"
Something like that.
I will make flashes of Laura in a bed or something,
or in a hospital.

Please try to make a script.
Also, the scene begins with Zeppix looking at a picture of the whole family.
Sad music is playing.

[Kyon]

I tried something

Scene II
Zeppix looks at picture of his mother.
Memories are showed in flashes.
Father: "Why weren't you there Zeppix?"
Zeppix: "When?"
Father: "Her last moments, she wanted to see you, but you weren't there."
Zeppix: "A-Are you serious!? Don't you think I wanted to be there too!?"
Father: "I... I am sorry Zeppix, I didn't mea-"
Zeppix walks outside
Father: "We already lost Laura, we cannot lose ourselves!"
Zeppix falls down
Father: "Z-Zeppix?"

[ExWhyZed]

GREAT.
Just
You don't need quote marks in a script.

[Kyon]

Do you really care about things like quote marks? xD
Oh well.

I am drawing scene 2 now.

[Kyon]

Uuuhm, I need more scene in this scene.
It is only text.
Does anything happens qua movement?

[TP09]

GREAT.
Just
You don't need quote marks in a script.

A script actually needs double spacing

[ExWhyZed]

No?

[TP09]

Yes!

[Kyon]

Please guys.
If you got time to argue about something stupid as that.
You have time to do some voice acting, and send me the sample.
EVEN WHEN YOU BARELY HEAR ANYTHING TP!
Lol,
or you could help me with the scenes, and make further scenes.
Or make up Flashbacks.

[TP09]

EVEN WHEN YOU BARELY HEAR ANYTHING TP!

Why do you want a sample that is filled with noise :S
You definitely can't use it in Zeppix.

or you could help me with the scenes, and make further scenes.
Or make up Flashbacks.

Okay, I shall edit one of Zephyr's attempts :P

[Kyon]

Why do you want a sample that is filled with noise :S
You definitely can't use it in Zeppix.

Please just send your best one.
-_-
I want to hear what the problem is.

Okay, I shall edit one of Zephyr's attempts :P

What I mean is,
like on his topic, I need to have everything more specific.
Like:

Father sighs
Father: Why weren't you there Zeppix?
Zeppix closes his eyes, and a tear falls down from his cheek. (cheek?)
Zeppix: When?


I need camera ideas, movement.
Escpecially in Scene 2, since this scene is mostly text.

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