Final Battle

[ExWhyZed]

You may think that it's far too early to start thinking about the final battle, but it's got to happen. Elements in it are crucial to the rest of the plot (who must we kill off? who must we save?). Here is my version of the final battle.

Scene NaN
Ext. Near London - Evening
The massive army (<500 Daemons) is flying towards London. Nobody is taking any notice of them. Meanwhile, though we do not see this yet, Zeppix is chained to a fence next to the Director, who is looking at the advancing army with interest. BEAR IN MIND THAT HE AND ZEPPIX CAN COMMUNICATE DUE TO THE OBJECT BEING FORMED BY CADD. After a few seconds, we cut to Vaizakk, at the head of the army.
VAIZAKK: We shall make an example of London. To repeat my earlier points: Anybody that disobeys be will be trapped in a second using the power of the Artifact. When the second is over, you will move back in time by one second. Thus, you will never die. But you will never live.
DAEMONS: All hail Vaizakk.
VAIZAKK: First we shall dispose of those that can see us. We wait.
CUT TO: Director and Zeppix.
DIRECTOR: You see, Zeppix? Your people are fools. They cluster, making it all too easy for us to destroy them. No formation, no order. Plain idiocy.
ZEPPIX: The daemons know better than that. Director, it's a trap.
DIRECTOR: You expect me to believe that, Zeppix? To mobile telephone Pilot, mow them down!
We see the CADD helicopter rise from an underground pad.
CUT TO: Inside helicopter.
PILOT: General, where should we go to?
GENERAL: Anywhere you please. Open fire before they're in range.
PILOT: Are you sure?
GENERAL: Keep your gun ready at all times. Cover me!
PILOT: Yessir!
The General grabs hold of one end of the rope ladder and leaps down the hatch. Holding onto the rope ladder with one hand, he takes out his pistol with the other.
CUT TO: Director and Zeppix.
DIRECTOR: Bear witness to the fall of your people.
CUT TO: Vaizakk
VAIZAKK: Bear witness to the beginning of the end of mankind!
CUT TO: Helicopter, now ~100m from the army. Machine guns on side are firing. General is firing a few shots.
GENERAL: Pull forward! Mow them down!
PILOT: Yessir!
CUT TO: Inside helicopter.
Daemons are swarming towards it. Monindio lands on the front, and smashes the glass with his sword. He is about to cut down the Pilot, but pauses for a second. He is good, really. The Pilot takes his gun, and shoots Monindio in the chest. Monindio staggers backwards, and falls from the helicopter, his wings flapping feebly.
PILOT: Yeah!
Three more daemons take his place, and strike down the Pilot. One looks left and right, before chopping at the control board. It explodes, throwing the three into the helicopter.
CUT TO: Director and Zeppix.
We can see the helicopter descending towards Earth.
ZEPPIX: I told you, Director!
DIRECTOR: Two irreplacable men. Dead.
ZEPPIX: No. I presume your pilot is dead, but that soldier...
DIRECTOR: "The General".
ZEPPIX: The General looks alive.
DIRECTOR: He won't be much longer.
ZEPPIX: I shall save him. I can't let any more people die!
DIRECTOR: Gazes at the falling helicopter. I'm afraid I can't trust you, Zeppix. You are a daemon.
He turns to look at the broken, empty chains.
DIRECTOR: Damn that beast!
He turns, and sees Zeppix a few metres away, General battered and bruised in his arms.
ZEPPIX: I think he's alive, Director.
DIRECTOR: But... How? Ok. I can trust you, Zeppix. You may go.
GENERAL: Help... me...
DIRECTOR: I'll take you to the hospital. To ZeppixZeppix, can you stop this?
ZEPPIX: I can, sir.
DIRECTOR: Then do it. Save London. Save humanity.
Zeppix salutes, and flies towards the army, which is now charging towards London (they are about 10 kilometres away from the outskirts).
CUT TO: Vaizakk.
VAIZAKK: I have lost one of my best fighters. Now my fianceé...
SYLNYTE: You may never have me! I love Zeppix!
VAIZAKK: Zeppix is dead or dying. Do you want to suffer Myroel's fate?
Zeppix rises in front of Vaizakk.[i]
ZEPPIX: I am neither dead nor dying, Vaizakk!
SYLNYTE: Zeppix!
VAIZAKK: You wish to face my army?
ZEPPIX: I wish to face you in single combat.
VAIZAKK: [i]To army. Halt!
ZEPPIX: You agree?
VAIZAKK: Here. Now.
ZEPPIX: But I have no weapons! I have no armour!
SYLNYTE: Take mine!
Zeppix dons Sylnyte's armour (designed for a woman) and her sword (only one and a half metres. Vaizakk's is four.)
Vaizakk strikes at Zeppix' left, but Zeppix jumps (flies higher) out of the way, swinging his own sword down, hitting Vaizakk's helmet.
VAIZAKK: No!
Whilst Vaizakk is startled, Zeppix snatches off Vaizakk's helmet, and throws it down to the floor below. Vaizakk snarls, and swipes upwards, cutting Zeppix' leg as he moves a second too late. Zeppix kicks Vaizakk's stomach, causing him to lurch back and downwards. Vaizakk makes his way back up again. Now the Artifact can clearly be seen (what is it? I assume it can be worn). Zeppix realises that he must get to this. He grabs for it, but Vaizakk swipes at Zeppix' arm, cutting it very badly.
Suddenly, the seconds CADD helicopter pulls up behind Vaizakk. It is piloted by the General. Vaizakk turns at the noise, to be startled. Zeppix grabs him round the throat with one arm, and disarms him with the other. He proceeds to snatch off the Artifact, and crushes it in his hand. Time stops.

This is what I've got so far. I was planning to continue with them meeting the Creator restored to power.

[Kyon]

One thing I thought was very stupid:
Destroy London = rule the world/defeated humanity ??

Second thing I didnt like was this:

VAIZAKK: I have lost one of my best fighters. Now my fianceé...
SYLNYTE: You may never have me! I love Zeppix!

Hehe, that is too... uhm... lame.


Next to that, great job Zed!
I loved most of it!

There are alot of questions ofcourse.
Like, how the fuck did this all happen?


While reading this, I tried to figure it out.
What is the whole story about?
What is happening?

I've made this, please tell me what you think:


Vaizakk's Goal
Vaizakk has been serving the Creator for a long time now.
But after all this time, he doesn't beleave in his own fate anymore.
He wants answers, he wants things to be clear.
To get the Creators attention, Vaizakk will try to rule, or even destroy man-kind.
He knows he cannot do this with his current powers.
So he needs to have more.
The Creator has an artifact, wich gives incredible much power,
this is made, because if the Creator 'retires' sometime, there can be a replacement wich is powerful.
Vaizakk will try to get this artifact.

Vaizakk's Progress
First, Vaizakk tried to kill Myroel, the other Daemon leader, but failed.
Though, he did fly away from the Palace, to continue his plans somewhere else.

Later he makes his preparations to enter the portal to 'hell' or 'heaven'. The place where the Creator lives.
After entering the Portal, Vaizakk meets a group of Daemons, trying to stop him.
This failes, and Vaizakk finds the artifact and dissapears.

After a while, Vaizakk, stronger then ever, shows up at The Palace.
Shocked as everyone was, Vaizakk stated that everyone had 24 hours to join him,
and if they decided to stay, he will kill each one of them.
Next to that, Vaizakk told them about his thoughts about the Creator.
At this point, Vaizakk started to get more people to join him.
After a day, Vaizakk destroyed the Palace, and fought Myroel, who died in this fight.

Later he attacked the world with his army of daemons. < Your script

Zeppix' Role
First Zeppix gets in this mission of stopping Vaizakk to get the artifact,
but fails.
Later, Zeppix sees Myroel die, by the hands of Vaizakk, Zeppix hears Myroels final words.
After all that, Zeppix survived the attack, and will go against Vaizakk with some other
daemons (inc Sylnyte).

[ExWhyZed]

OK, in my next post is an updated version of the script, but first here is my view on the issues you raised:

Destroy London
This was the gateway to Vaizakk's destruction of humanity. He needed to test his army, and also show his strength.

Vaizakk's Goal

Vaizakk hates humanity, because it is not like him. He believes Daemons to be the perfect race, and humans an unnecessary byproduct. He before managed to make contact with the Creator, and asked if the Creator could destroy humanity. The Creator refused, so Vaizakk hates the Creator aswell.
When the Creator realised that his power was not best kept in himself entirely, he created a Bracelet (called the Artifact) into which he sacrificed the power of his he could use for Evil:
The power to trap a being in a second, causing them to go back in time a second when the second has finished.
The Creator could not destroy, so used this against his enemies.
Also to get people to follow him. When he sacrificed this power to the Artifact, belief in him begn to fade.

How Vaizakk Goes About This

First, Vaizakk tried to kill Myroel, the other Daemon leader, but failed.
Though he did fly away from the Palace to continue his plans elsewhere.

Later he makes his preparations to enter the portal to 'hell' or 'heaven'. The place where the Creator lives.
After entering the Portal, Vaizakk meets a group of Daemons, trying to stop him.
This fails, and Vaizakk finds the artifact and disappears.

After a while, Vaizakk, stronger then ever, shows up at The Palace.
Everyone was shocked when Vaizakk stated that everyone had 24 hours to join him or be trapped in a second.
Myroel refused to join him. Vaizakk beat Myroel in a on-to-one duel, and trapped him in a second.
Everybody then joined him

Later he attacked the world with his army of daemons.

[Kyon]

Trapped him in a second

Wut?


Anyway, nice story.
This could work!!!

Lets finish all the scenes, because the voice actors like to have a full script.
So please Zed, go ahead and make topics if you like =)

Oh and, when are you gonna try the 'Vaizakk' voice?

[ExWhyZed]

He proceeds to snatch off the Artifact, and crushes it in his hand. A golden sphere floats in the air, before flying away towards the portal. Suddenly, Myroel materialises, and falls. Zeppix catches him.
ZEPPIX: Myroel! Are you alive?
MYROEL: Oh... Zeppix...
SYLNYTE: You're alive! Father, you're alive!
MYROEL: Sylnyte...
Suddenly, everybody jars to the left... the right... BANG! Everything goes black.
CUT TO: Creator's Palace. DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC.
CREATOR: I am the Creator.
ZEPPIX: Hail the Creator!
CREATOR: Oh, hush. You've done better than me the past few days.
Creator (30 feet tall) steps down from his throne, and starts pacing around.
CREATOR: Daemons and humans have never gotten on. Now, for the second time, one has tried to kill the other. First it was humans, so I made them unaware of daemons. I am not going to make you unaware of humans. All daemons must go to another Universe. I shall do this for you.
ZEPPIX: But my father!
CREATOR: I shall grant you any favour, Zeppix. And Vaizakk shall be trapped in the very second that started your ordeal. Just before the sword hit you.
CUT TO: Hospital ward.
Zeppix bursts through doors and runs/flies to a bed. His father is kneeling at the side, and his mother, desperately ill, is lying down.
LAURA: John... I don't have long...
FATHER: Don't worry Laura.
Zeppix arrives.
LAURA: Hallo, Zeppix.
FATHER: Zeppix isn't here, Laura.
LAURA: Winks at Zeppix. No, of course he's not, John.
FATHER: I...
Tears are freely running down his cheeks.
LAURA: Goodbye, John... WhispersGoodbye, Zeppix!
Laura dies. Father puts head on Laura's stomach, and weeps. Zeppix teleports away.
CUT TO: Earth-like planet.
Sylnyte is standing with Myroel a short distance away from Zeppix, who just appears there.
MYROEL: I give you permission to marry my daughter, Sylnyte.
ZEPPIX: I.. Thank you!
Zeppix and Sylnyte run forward to embrace. They get half the distance from the centre when...
CUT TO: Sword scene, a second when the sword is less than five metres from Zeppix. After the second, it repeats. However, Vaizakk moves normally.
VAIZAKK: Foolish Creator. I am teleported back a second but my location remains. I can stop Zeppix and rule the world.
Vaizakk flies to the sword and tilts it downwards. Time resumes, the sword falls to earth, and Vaizakk disappears after his second. Zeppix doesn't die.
CUT TO: Planet.
Zeppix' body disappears slowly, and it is evident that he no longer exists.
SYLNYTE: No!
MYROEL: No!
CUT TO: The Second
VAIZAKK: YEEESSS!

[Kyon]

Hehe,
You really like old-fashion movies right?
Regular movies.

You don't think realistic Zed.
The reactions of people.
The possibilities in my fiction world, are too fiction.
If you know what I mean.

I love the big attack on London, though, I don't like parts of it.
This is mostly because of we don't have the storyline finished yet.
We need all the scripts etc. Every scene, or atleast what happens.

I've wrote this basic storyline right?
It may be too long, we must not expand Zeppix too much, like we've did with Dirkels.

So anyway.

- Evil Daemon gets alot of power
- Evil Daemon takes control of many Daemons
- A Human group hunt Daemons, and manage to capture Zeppix.
- While Zeppix is captured, Evil Daemon attacks the world.
- Zeppix, who is a new Daemon, manage to defeat one of the strongest Daemons, in a girl suit.

This is the plot.
Lol.

The last - ain't good, it ain't realistic.
Also, I do not like the part of Sylnyte loving Zeppix and stuff.
Maybe in the end, something like this happen:


Zeppix: So, it is all over.
Sylnyte: Yes Zeppix, it is.
Zeppix: What do we do now, Sylnyte?
Sylnyte: You tell me...
And they kiss?

I don't know.
But during the whole story, I don't want this pathetic unrealistic love.
Just read this:

SYLNYTE: You may never have me! I love Zeppix!

MYROEL: I give you permission to marry my daughter, Sylnyte.
ZEPPIX: I.. Thank you!

Haha, it is too... stupid.



Oh, I don't want to sound all negative Zed.
Because you've wrote a great story.
Good job on that,
just small things should be edited.
And I think we have to fill up the missing parts. (in the story)

[ExWhyZed]

OK, but what about my ending? Apart from the "Romantic" thing? The inconclusive plot where Zeppix doesn't get turned into a Daemon after all.
If you made a sequel, it could be about Zeppix as a human :D

[Kyon]

Don't talk about sequals!
Focus on this story.

What I want right now is.
"What is so special about Zeppix"

It is not like a regular new Daemon can just beat a year trained daemon, who even absorbed a magical artifact.

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